Escape From Iguana Island

Wherein I get lost. Repeatedly.

So I made it to Jacksonville. As soon as I got on the ferry to go to the air terminal I realized I had forgotten to grab my (or Edwin's depending on how you look at it) jacket. The flight wasn't too bad, and a lot of people I work with were on the same flight so I wasn't completely on my own while finding my luggage and getting my rental car.  Jacksonville is kind of overwhelming after being on GTMO so long. 45 mph feels really fast! Especially when the speed limit is 50. Let's just way I wasn't making friends.

One of my co-workers asked me to give him a ride to pick up his car and since it was in the same direction as the used book store I had heard so much of I decided to go ahead and visit the book store before checking into my hotel since it closes at 6 and doesn't open on Sundays.

The place wasn't hard to find. I wish i had had a camera. After not seeing a bookstore in 6 months this was like showing up at the holy land. I almost cried and I did actually get lost. When they describe this place as labyrinthine they are being dead set honest. Seriously, you could hide a minotaur in that place and the only way you would notice if is customers started to go missing. It was only the thought that i need something other than books and hardbacks way too much that kept me limited to $40.

So then i roll back up to the gate to the base and hand over my cac card and rental agreement. He scans it, smiles, starts to hand it back, then frowns and looks at it harder and goes," Who is Aimee Millspaugh?" I responded with a very clarifying, "Huh?" I finally managed to get out that it was my maiden name and I'm not sure where enterprise got it from. I mean i reserved my car through dts, i paid with my government travel card, i gave them my driver's license with my married name, and they even greeted me as Ms. Morrison when I walked up to the desk. So why the fuck does my car rental agreement that I use to get on the base not match my id?!?!? So he let me in, but he told me to get it checked out...

Unfortunately the place closes at 5 and this event occurred at 6, they don't open on Sunday, and i fly out on Monday morning... so there's no getting that fixed... So now I'm afraid to leave the base in case they won't let me back on... so maybe I'll just hit the nex tomorrow and do my heavy shopping in Huntsville. Either way I need a hoodie or sweater of some kind. Its frickin cold. But god I would love to wander around that super target a block from base... the thing is the size of a mall! I feel old.

So i got lost in the bookstore, i got lost on base (twice) and now I'm not leaving my fucking room again tonight.

Traveling alone sucks.

An Open Letter to Anyone Visiting Cuba (and/ or Me!)

Forewarning: There's going to be a lot of "seriously"'s in this post and maybe even a few "for reals". Normally I try to give a good vocabulary mix while I'm repeating myself, but I need you to know, All of those
"seriously"-ies are "for reals". Despite my comedic tone, these are real. Which is part of what makes this place comedic, and part of what makes this place horrifying. Continue at your own risk.


Another note I'd like to make is that, as many of you know, I'm high strung. While I'm currently taking drugs to help with that, they only make me not worry about things. It doesn't keep me from thinking of them. Kind of like being drunk all the time but with better motor skills... mostly. Just something to think about when you read the list.

Things to bring:

Bring water shoes. Seriously. If you forget said water shoes your first stop
needs to be at the NEX to buy some water shoes. Most of the beaches here are
rocky. And if they aren't rocky they are buried in broken shells. And if
they aren't buried in broken shells they have sea urchins you could use to
incapacitate a vampire. You're really going to want those water shoes.

Bring skin so soft. In fact bring extra so I can have some. You can purchase
stuff to combat the mosquitoes on island. You cannot however buy anything to
ward off the gnats. If you go to hicacael the gnats will eat you. Seriously.
Brandon and I looked like we had chicken pox.

Speaking of buying stuff to ward off the mosquitoes, do so. For reals. I'm
pretty sure this is the place that all the mutant monsters from Godzilla
movies come to retire. The mosquitoes here are huge! And they have time
release! You forget to wear bug repellant tonight and you will suffer
starting tomorrow night (and for the next 3 nights thereafter). I'm talking
take a cheese grater to your leg itchy. Also you might want to resist that
urge to smack the blood sucker about to dine on you. There's something
infinitely disturbing about having a blood smear on you that you don't know
who or what it came from.

Bring me a tithe in Orville Redenbacher Naturals Lime and Salt popcorn. They
come in single serving bags and are delicious forms of crack. Seriously if a
box of this doesn't come out of your suitcase I'm leaving you stranded on
leeward. (not really but possibly) ( i will also accept tithes in bottled water drink mixes such as crystal light in pink lemonade or cherry cranberry or any Hawaiian punch mixes)


Wildlife and nature related warnings:

We have sharks of all shapes and sizes. One of those shapes and sizes are
occasionally 14 ft hammerheads, etc. Now before you get freaked out our
sharks only attack stupid people. The only shark attack we have on record is
someone who had their chum bag resting on their leg. So use common sense. If
you are bleeding get out of the water. Or at least have the common decency
to swim slower than me.

Apparently barracuda are attracted to shiny things. Please plan your bathing
attire accordingly. Swimming with dolphins is awesome. Swimming with
barracuda is significantly less so.

If you find a pretty shell that appears to be empty, set it right side up
somewhere and see if it moves. If it doesn't take it home. If it crawls away
be thankful you've been saved from one of the more horrifying experiences of
my life. Learn from my mistake. Not a week later when you go to fish out
your prize and find the corpse of the elder god Cthuhlu reaching, arms out
stretched, to feast upon your very sanity! Also hermit craps smell
horrifying after they die... and apparently get kind of furry. I'm just
saying.

If you want to go sea glass hunting go during an off hour. Work days in the
morning are good cause there's no one else there. When you get more than one
or two hunters on the beach things start to get tense. Navy wives get
seriously territorial. They might cut you for a nice chunk of true blue.
Shit I might cut you for a nice chunk of amethyst.

If an iguana bobs his head at you, he's not saying "Sup?". He's saying you
are invading his personal bubble and he thinks he just might be able to take
you. Also don't feed them. They will chase you and as ungainly as they are
they can really move when they think they might get some subway out of it.

I've never seen one but there are "salt water alligators" mentioned in some
of the base instructions. I'm not sure if this is a joke in poor taste or
not. Either way I'm kind of terrified.

When we go hiking, stay on the trails. This will be obvious while we hike
next to barbed wire but the rule still stands even in the absence of the
barbed wire. Just remember, the bushes are watching and they have guns.

Also if you see a sign that says no photography beyond that point, they
really mean it. Don't pull that camera out unless you want to buy a new one,
cause they will take it.

Brandon has almost sat on a Cuban boa. Twice I think. Keep your eyes open
when in nature. Especially when on trails named racer run (racers are
snakes), lizard lane, boa breezeway (another snake), warbler way (bird),
pelican pass (another bird), hutia highway (banana rats!), and tarantula
trail (haven't even tried this one yet).

I would not recommend leaving shoes or jackets outside overnight but if you
absolutely must check your pockets and shoes before putting them back on.
Apparently scorpions find those places nice and cozy.

Don't drink the fountain drinks. I don't know what's wrong with them but
they taste like lemon pepper and sewage. Blegh!

And most importantly, remember you are on an active military installation
and security is an on-going concern. Don't assume you have all those rights
you are so used to, and keep in mind that there is always someone watching
you.

If I think of any other wisdom I'll send it your way.

Hugs and Kisses!

Eye Ball Update and Other Goals

So when I left you last week you were left wondering if I would ever get those thrice damned contacts into my eyes. Well I did! And I was ever so proud of myself. So proud of myself in fact, that the same day i got them in successfully I ran to the nex and got myself some off the shelf sunglasses! This is the first time I've been able to buy sunglasses off the shelf since I was 11! Its the first time I've worn sunglasses period in at least 5 or more years. They are huge and brandon makes fun of me, but i figure if i can use pretzels as mandibles while i'm bored at work then having sunglasses that make me look like a bug are the least of my worries and I think they are cute.

Also I kidnapped the Bull Ensign hat before our office party (my job has the awesomest parties). I want one. It makes me feel like a viking! Or a bobble head. Not sure which. That thing is heavy. 

Back to the eye balls though. So not only are these the first sunglasses in a long time, its also the first time I have seen my face without glasses. Why didn't anyone tell me I have beady eyes!? I haven't seen my eyes not magnified by glasses since I was 11! I see a lot more makeup in my futures. Also apparently I'm going to need reading glasses when I wear contacts. Which, correct me if I am wrong, completely defeats the purpose of wearing contacts. WTH? 

Regarding goal #12 I am totally in my 2nd week of my first batch of quartz-y rocks that i mentioned in the Cuba:Cliff Notes blog!

This is them straight out of the coarse grit round. They are starting to get shiny and they kind of glow.

Goal #39 is now in progress. I'm reading Joseph Campbell's Masks of God Vol 1: Primitive Mythology. So far its very... Freudian. I haven't gotten very far yet. This is pretty heavy stuff and so far it has dealt more with psychology and biology than it has with mythology. Judging by the table of contents though I will get to the mythology eventually. I am not however a big fan of Freud. I know he was pretty cutting edge stuff in his day but I have strong feelings that all of my motivations stem from penis envy. And I have to admit that I rolled my eyes when the book discussed the universal fear of toothed vaginas.  Seriously? 

Goals #51, 54 and 58 are in progress thanks to my starting a personal training program this past monday and i have worked out 5 times in the last week (talk about killing two birds with one stone!). I'm not sure how fast I'll get results because I refuse to give up food. She told me I could eat as many fruits and veggies as I want so there has been a lot of tomatoes, strawberries, and grapes (and lots of truvia which is amazing). But I'm not punishing myself. Food is the only thing they have on this island and I will not deny myself one of the only joys left to me. Come between me and cake... see what happens. Exercise is the price we pay for delicious.

Goal #54 is in progress. We installed peg boards and cork boards and completely rearranged my craft room yesterday. I'm very nearly organized which is very exciting. I'll post pics once its nice and tidy.

Well that's all for now. I'm going to get back to organizing my rock collection by mohs scale. I totally just gained a rank in nerdy.

Here have a pretty cactus!