But the tumor and subsequent surgery has affected me in other ways. The surgery affected an almost immediate improvement in my pain levels, but I seem to have traded the pain for a horrible memory. Granted I am only 4 months out and even if it never improves, it is still a trade I would make again. I try not to let it bother me, but sometimes it is distressing that you have to use context clues to figure out what you did with your morning. Or you realize you can't remember how to get to a particular part of town that you are familiar with. I see people I worked with for years and have no idea what their name is.
I've always considered myself a storyteller. Being able to keep up a constant stream of inane yet humorous chatter was a skill I honed to keep the peace in a mildly dysfunctional family that so often had no idea what to do with each other. While so many people lie awake at night letting their regrets and embarrassments circle their minds like vultures, I stay up trying to turn my regrets into a self-effacing comedy routine I will never perform, because people are fucking terrifying. The loss of memory makes me fear for my stories. They are no treasure trove but they are mine. So I want to tell them in a more permanent format and invite friends and family members to do the same. What's more, I want to get out there and have more adventures and create new stories and record them.
Today I feel better than I have in years. Reviving this blog embodies the hope that things will continue to be this awesome and will hopefully quell the quiet fear that this is too good too last. But even if it is 2 months or 2 years, if something goes wrong, I want to have as many adventures as I can fit to go back and look at, even if I can't remember them all myself.