So it's been awhile. I'll admit it was entirely my own fault. I went through a bad time and for awhile I didn't have anything I felt like saying beyond, "Ow, my knee hurts," and, "The navy can go to hell," repeat ad nauseum.
But in the course of the last few weeks I finally felt like I had an amusing story to tell and thought I'd pop in and share it with you to break the ice of my long abandonment.
So on to the invasion of the exoskeletons.
So one night a few weeks ago I was coming home after dark. I grab the handle of the screen door, pull it back, and then my eyes focus in on what is chilling out on the vertical right next to the door. And proceeded to scream like a little girl.
Yep, that's right. Crab's can hang out on sheer vertical surfaces. After I started breathing again I ran and got my camera for posterity's sake.
So shortly thereafter Brandon, my new friend Cari, and I all headed over to a friend's house for a party. It was in the next neighborhood over so we just walked, which excused us from having to drive later. We get to their house and they had a note on the door saying just come on in. So i grab the screen door pull it open... and then my eyes focus on the wall next to the door. Now you need to understand. The crab was on the same plane as the door, so it wasn't that close to me. This wall ran perpendicular to the door so it was right next to me... it being an enormous, furry tarantula. I don't have any pics of this denizen of my nightmares but I know Cari took some phone shots of it, so I'll try and get one of those to add later.
So, once again, I screamed like a little girl. I screamed so loud in fact that the entire party came outside to see what happened to me. I think they were expecting blood at the very least. The only way I could get inside was at a dead run. I hate spiders. Ugh.
So fast forward to the next weekend. We occasionally let the cat's outside. If we don't freak out they stay in the yard and it makes it bearable to live with them. If we don't let them outside, they are still going to get outside but not on our terms so it's best to just try and control the situation.
We just left the door open so they could come back in when they were ready and to let the house air out a little. I'm a big fan of fresh air. So after awhile I notice the cats are both back inside so I shut the door and moved on with my day.
About 45 minutes later guess who's screaming like a little girl... again. Yeah this girl. I turned around and spot a chewed up tailless lizard sitting in the middle of the living room floor. Either my cats love me or they think I need lessons in hunting. Brandon removed the offending corpse and I moved on with my day. When you have cats you occasionally receive gifts of dead things.
So maybe another 45 minutes later I see Yuki poking at my knitting bag. I thought she was just playing with my yarn because she is a destructive little tart. I shooed her away and moved on... for about 10 minutes until it occurred to me that the corpse had been tailless and the likelihood of the tail being in my knitting bag occurred to me.
I poked around carefully, braced for the possibility of gross but found nothing. So maybe 2 hrs later, I'm sitting on the couch with a lap full of sewing. And what should crawl out from under the couch, within 2 inches of my flip flop clad foot?
A lizard? No.
A crab? No.
A tarantula? No.
A Fucking Scorpion! Crawled within 2 inches of my bare foot! I didn't scream like a little girl this time.
I gave a war bellow that would have done Conan the Barbarian proud. Brandon actually yelled at me for shouting so loud. Screw him, I'll bellow like that again the next time a scorpion buzzes me. I feel kind of justified.
Since Brandon was involved in his MMO and didn't have the proper deadly reaction I was hoping for, I hoped up and pummeled it to death with my flip flop. Of course Brandon still had to dispose of it since all I could think of when I looked at it was the face huggers from the aliens movies.
Then the next day I found another tiny little chewed up lizard under my desk. Yay! Luckily he'd been there for a little while and appeared mummified which is much less creepy than freshly dead.
Then the next day was Monday. On our way out of the chapel complex I encountered something so unnatural and surreal I would have assumed I was hallucinating if it weren't for other witnesses... and of course my photographic evidence!
Now for perspective this creepy little worm/ caterpillar type creature was thicker around than my thumb and longer than my hand. It reminds me of nothing so much as the sand worms from Beetlejuice. I don't know what this thing is, all I know is it's going to haunt me in my dreams. It wiggled at me...
Pretty!
