Eye Ball Related Goals

or Ow That's a Finger in My Eye

Fair warning people. There's probably going to be a bit of profanity. Normally it requires a recalcitrant computer to get me to the level of frustration I'm simmering at right now.

I woke up this morning feeling chipper, excited, and generally pleased with myself for being poised to knock off goals 48, 49, and 50 all in one fell swoop. I went in to work a half hour early to make up for my doctor's appointment and was knocking shit out this morning. Then I get to the doctor's appointment. Since I've never worn contacts before they asked me if I thought I would be ok with touching my own eye. I promptly responded that I was on so much anti-anxiety drugs I could damn well learn to. To try them out the doctor popped them right in no problem.

Then he sent me out to his underlings to try and learn how to get them out... This would be the turning point of the story. I had no problem touching my eye... I did have hard time getting the little bastard to LET GO OF MY EYE BALL! I eventually got my right contact out. After another while of poking and prodding I eventually managed to rub the left contact into the corner of my eye until it bunched and then peeled it off. Probably not good for my eye or my contact but screw it that fucker was coming out.

Then they wanted me to put that shit back in!

I tried. I really did! I tried for a long time. Even with the extra half hour built in I was still late getting back to work! For two hours I POKED MYSELF IN THE EYE! It wouldn't go in! I tried leaning over. I tried leaning back. I tried looking in the mirror and I tried doing it by touch. At one point I thought I had gotten in! Then I blinked and it was on my shirt. I think that's when the audible profanity began. If that guy told me I almost had it one more time I was gonna punch him. When my eyes started aching and I called the contact a goat fucker out loud instead of just in my head, I decided it was time to take a break and try again at home.

I did order my new glasses which I get to pick up tomorrow so number 48 gets scratched off tomorrow.  When I tried to order sunglasses however... they don't sell them on the island. Fucking GTMO.

So by the time I got back to work I wanted to chew nails and kick puppies and I wasn't nearly as productive as I thought.

So now I'm gonna go wash my hands and poke myself in the eye for another hour...

This crab is ready to box... just like me.
>.<

Cuba: The Cliff Notes

This post is intended mostly for my friends, family, and new readers who haven't been following my adventures on facebook. I had considered transferring my facebook notes onto this new blog, but I decided that would confuse the issue unnecessarily, not to mention be insanely time consuming. So instead you are getting a morbidly pick obese summary of my adventures up-to-date.

First the base. They call Cuba the Pearl of the Antilles. This naval base is a little corner of paradise mixed with orwellian 1984. Things you should know if you ever get the chance to visit. 

1) This is a secluded base on what is basically a third world country. We produce all of our own water and electricity because there is no local utility company for us to buy it from like on every other base. We lose power fairly often. When there is a bad storm they will turn it off because it is easier to shut it down and then bring it back up than it is if it gets knocked out. And if there is say, a FUCKING FIRE at the electrical plant, well pull up your big girl panties. They'll fix it when they get a chance.

2) While many people seem to imagine GTMO as just a place to keep detainees, that is not the case. The Guantanamo Bay Naval Base has a long and illustrious history outside its controversial present, and it continues to fill other roles. We serve as a stop over for all our ships heading to south america on aide missions. We fuel them up and stock them up on supplies and give their sailors a chance to stretch their legs. We provide humanitarian aide and are a stop over point for many refugees and asylum seekers while their futures are decided. Only a small portion of the base is set aside for the detainees.

3)This base runs on the power of migrant workers. Seriously I can't stress this enough.

4) It's hard to get stuff here. We get mail  mondays, wednesdays, and fridays. Its not delivered. The post office is not open on saturdays. We get our supplies by barge so when we run out of stuff we are out of stuff for up to two weeks until the next barge gets here.

Sometimes its just as well. The fountain soda here tastes like it has lemon pepper and sewage mixed in. It is hideous.

5) I hope you don't have an dependencies. The internet sucks. Its like dial up all over again. They block anything that sucks up a lot of bandwith like skype and it makes it impossible to update games like world of warcraft. The cable sucks. Its grainy and there aren't many channels. We don't even have the comedy channel. The make up, book, and soda selection is dismal. I have spent a small fortune on amazon.com since moving here. The one thing they do have in abundance here is affordable booze. Gotta keep the sailors happy.

6) At 8 am and around sunset every day the base comes to a standstill while they play the anthem. Traffic literaly stops in the street. It confused the shit out of me the first time.

7) We live in earthquake country. That was kind of a surprise too. I work on the second floor of a rickety old building that used to be a warehouse. I fully appreciate now just how much that floor can bounce during a 5.1 quake.

8) The weather is on drugs and can roll in like the hand of an angry god.

But don't get me wrong. Its not all bad. I love it here! It's the middle of winter and it gets to almost 90 everyday! We have over 11 beaches to choose from, each with its own personality! You can find sea glass and semi precious stones literally just laying on the beach.

There is an abundance of flora and fauna to appreciate, not to mention the history just laying around. 

Now there are large chunks of the base that is restricted so you can't take pictures for security reasons. So its kind of like paradise meets 1984 meets an exclusive resort. You're chilling in the sun enjoying the sound of the waves in full view of guard towers. It's definitely an interesting experience. 

We also have lots of hiking trails. Just don't go hiking by yourself... We have mountains and a lot of the trails are steep and gravely and next thing you know you're at the bottom of the hill, by yourself, not on the trail you told people you would be on, wondering if your knee is broken and starting to worry that a cuban boa is going to eat you. Did I mention that I'm not the brightest?

I was going to include a summary of interesting fauna and my humorous experiences with them, but i think everyone who has made it this far deserves a cookie, so that will be a separate blog.

No go get yourselves a cookie. More will follow later.

Operation Don’t Fail at Life, Go!

Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the List

Getting something started is always hard, a blog no less so than anything else in life. What to talk about? How to segue between multiple obsessions and fascinating life experiences? Do I focus on just one passion or blog about my life? So many little decisions to paralyze you. But the hardest step is the first one. Just doing it.

Recently I embarked upon 101 goals in 1001 days. I posted my listed on Friday January 14th 2011. And goal number 77 was start a blog. So here it is scratch that puppy off the list! Productivity tastes so good!

1. Make a corset dress
2. Make a button down shirt
3. Make a pair of pants
4. Make a pencil skirt
5. Finish a Victorian dress
6. Make a fish tail skirt
7. Make a tailored jacket
8. Embroider something
9. Make a plunge corset
10. Do a water color painting
11. Make a quilt
12. Tumble a batch of rocks
13. Make a wire brooch
14. Drill a piece of sea glass
15. Make a wire wrap ring
16. Complete a steampunk costume
17. Draw a still life
18. Do a fashion drawing
19. Make an article of clothing for someone else
20. Make something for Avery
21. Make something for Abbi
22. Make something for Amber
23. Make something for Matthew
24. Make something for Mom
25. Make something for Dad
26. Make something for Janelle
27. Make something for Gary
28. Finish a cross-stitch
29. Make a hair piece
30. Finish the argyle scarf
31. Learn to knit lace
32. Learn to tat
33. Go on a real vacation
34. Visit ohio
35. Visit Tennessee
36. Visit hospital cay
37. Attend dragon con
38. Visit a Caribbean island
39. Read something by Joseph Campbell
40. Read the Annotated Alice in Wonderland
41. Read Stephen Hawking’s  Universe in a Nutshell
42. Read a book on palm reading
43. Read a book on tarot
44. Re-read the Mercy Thompson series
45. Re-read the Dresden Files
46. Read something steampunk
47. Read about a conspiracy theory (Currently reading 12th planet)
48. Get new glasses (appointment made with optometrist)
49. Try contacts (appointment made with optometrist)
50. Get prescription sunglasses (appointment made with optometrist)
51. Lose 20 lbs
52. Hike the full length of ridgeline trail
53. Start learning Spanish
54. Organize the craftroom
55. Establish an exercise routine you can maintain
56. Study geology
57. Clean out closet and be realistic
58. Exercise 30 minutes 3x’s a week for a month
59. Talk to a doctor about crunchy knees
60. Attend an exercise class once a week for a month
61. Drink 1 glass of plain water everyday for a month
62. Alternate between white and wheat bread
63. Reduce chocolaty desert to one serving a day
64. Complete a fun run/ walk
65. Organize my desk
66. Learn to glide
67. Learn to pop and lock
68. Learn to Charleston
69. Go see a movie
70. Take an online learning course
71. Attempt guided meditation
72. Try homemade salsa
73. Make homemade pizza
74. Make bread from scratch
75. Make a pineapple rum cake
76. Try 3 recipes from the boozy baker cookbook
77. Start a blog
78. Post to the blog at least once a month
79. Try 5 new recipes
80. Get dressed up
81. Get dressed up for no discernible reason
82. Go on 4 guided kayak trips
83. Cajole Brandon into getting his captain’s license
84. Rent a Boat
85. Go bird watching at sunrise
86. Get a half scale dress form
87. Get a walking foot for my sewing machine
88. Buy a stand mixer
89. Buy a serger
90. Save three months of income
91. Pay off a debt completely
92. Create a trip to japan nest egg
93. Create a budget
94. Stick to the budget for at least 3 months
95. Make a list of job hunting cities
96. Update my resume
97. Apply for 20 jobs before leaving cuba
98. Attend a credit management class
99. Attend training course for work
100. Make a profit off of a hobby
101. Get a step increase if not a pay grade increase

So this is where you can come to listen to me pat myself on the back, celebrate my crafter victories, and mourn my crafter defeats, and laugh at me everytime some of the wildlife makes me scream like a little girl.

Enjoy.