or Ow That's a Finger in My Eye
Fair warning people. There's probably going to be a bit of profanity. Normally it requires a recalcitrant computer to get me to the level of frustration I'm simmering at right now.
I woke up this morning feeling chipper, excited, and generally pleased with myself for being poised to knock off goals 48, 49, and 50 all in one fell swoop. I went in to work a half hour early to make up for my doctor's appointment and was knocking shit out this morning. Then I get to the doctor's appointment. Since I've never worn contacts before they asked me if I thought I would be ok with touching my own eye. I promptly responded that I was on so much anti-anxiety drugs I could damn well learn to. To try them out the doctor popped them right in no problem.
Then he sent me out to his underlings to try and learn how to get them out... This would be the turning point of the story. I had no problem touching my eye... I did have hard time getting the little bastard to LET GO OF MY EYE BALL! I eventually got my right contact out. After another while of poking and prodding I eventually managed to rub the left contact into the corner of my eye until it bunched and then peeled it off. Probably not good for my eye or my contact but screw it that fucker was coming out.
Then they wanted me to put that shit back in!
I tried. I really did! I tried for a long time. Even with the extra half hour built in I was still late getting back to work! For two hours I POKED MYSELF IN THE EYE! It wouldn't go in! I tried leaning over. I tried leaning back. I tried looking in the mirror and I tried doing it by touch. At one point I thought I had gotten in! Then I blinked and it was on my shirt. I think that's when the audible profanity began. If that guy told me I almost had it one more time I was gonna punch him. When my eyes started aching and I called the contact a goat fucker out loud instead of just in my head, I decided it was time to take a break and try again at home.
I did order my new glasses which I get to pick up tomorrow so number 48 gets scratched off tomorrow. When I tried to order sunglasses however... they don't sell them on the island. Fucking GTMO.
So by the time I got back to work I wanted to chew nails and kick puppies and I wasn't nearly as productive as I thought.
So now I'm gonna go wash my hands and poke myself in the eye for another hour...
This crab is ready to box... just like me.
>.<
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Thursday, January 20, 2011
Monday, January 17, 2011
Cuba: The Cliff Notes
This post is intended mostly for my friends, family, and new readers who haven't been following my adventures on facebook. I had considered transferring my facebook notes onto this new blog, but I decided that would confuse the issue unnecessarily, not to mention be insanely time consuming. So instead you are getting a morbidly pick obese summary of my adventures up-to-date.
First the base. They call Cuba the Pearl of the Antilles. This naval base is a little corner of paradise mixed with orwellian 1984. Things you should know if you ever get the chance to visit.
1) This is a secluded base on what is basically a third world country. We produce all of our own water and electricity because there is no local utility company for us to buy it from like on every other base. We lose power fairly often. When there is a bad storm they will turn it off because it is easier to shut it down and then bring it back up than it is if it gets knocked out. And if there is say, a FUCKING FIRE at the electrical plant, well pull up your big girl panties. They'll fix it when they get a chance.
2) While many people seem to imagine GTMO as just a place to keep detainees, that is not the case. The Guantanamo Bay Naval Base has a long and illustrious history outside its controversial present, and it continues to fill other roles. We serve as a stop over for all our ships heading to south america on aide missions. We fuel them up and stock them up on supplies and give their sailors a chance to stretch their legs. We provide humanitarian aide and are a stop over point for many refugees and asylum seekers while their futures are decided. Only a small portion of the base is set aside for the detainees.
3)This base runs on the power of migrant workers. Seriously I can't stress this enough.
4) It's hard to get stuff here. We get mail mondays, wednesdays, and fridays. Its not delivered. The post office is not open on saturdays. We get our supplies by barge so when we run out of stuff we are out of stuff for up to two weeks until the next barge gets here.
Sometimes its just as well. The fountain soda here tastes like it has lemon pepper and sewage mixed in. It is hideous.
5) I hope you don't have an dependencies. The internet sucks. Its like dial up all over again. They block anything that sucks up a lot of bandwith like skype and it makes it impossible to update games like world of warcraft. The cable sucks. Its grainy and there aren't many channels. We don't even have the comedy channel. The make up, book, and soda selection is dismal. I have spent a small fortune on amazon.com since moving here. The one thing they do have in abundance here is affordable booze. Gotta keep the sailors happy.
6) At 8 am and around sunset every day the base comes to a standstill while they play the anthem. Traffic literaly stops in the street. It confused the shit out of me the first time.
7) We live in earthquake country. That was kind of a surprise too. I work on the second floor of a rickety old building that used to be a warehouse. I fully appreciate now just how much that floor can bounce during a 5.1 quake.
8) The weather is on drugs and can roll in like the hand of an angry god.
But don't get me wrong. Its not all bad. I love it here! It's the middle of winter and it gets to almost 90 everyday! We have over 11 beaches to choose from, each with its own personality! You can find sea glass and semi precious stones literally just laying on the beach.
There is an abundance of flora and fauna to appreciate, not to mention the history just laying around.
Now there are large chunks of the base that is restricted so you can't take pictures for security reasons. So its kind of like paradise meets 1984 meets an exclusive resort. You're chilling in the sun enjoying the sound of the waves in full view of guard towers. It's definitely an interesting experience.
We also have lots of hiking trails. Just don't go hiking by yourself... We have mountains and a lot of the trails are steep and gravely and next thing you know you're at the bottom of the hill, by yourself, not on the trail you told people you would be on, wondering if your knee is broken and starting to worry that a cuban boa is going to eat you. Did I mention that I'm not the brightest?
I was going to include a summary of interesting fauna and my humorous experiences with them, but i think everyone who has made it this far deserves a cookie, so that will be a separate blog.
No go get yourselves a cookie. More will follow later.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Operation Don’t Fail at Life, Go!
Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the List
Getting something started is always hard, a blog no less so than anything else in life. What to talk about? How to segue between multiple obsessions and fascinating life experiences? Do I focus on just one passion or blog about my life? So many little decisions to paralyze you. But the hardest step is the first one. Just doing it.
Recently I embarked upon 101 goals in 1001 days. I posted my listed on Friday January 14th 2011. And goal number 77 was start a blog. So here it is scratch that puppy off the list! Productivity tastes so good!
- Make a corset dress
- Make a button down shirt
- Make a pair of pants
- Make a pencil skirt
- Finish a Victorian dress
- Make a fish tail skirt
- Make a tailored jacket
- Embroider something
- Make a plunge corset
- Do a water color painting
- Make a quilt
- Tumble a batch of rocks
- Make a wire brooch
- Drill a piece of sea glass
- Make a wire wrap ring
- Complete a steampunk costume
- Draw a still life
- Do a fashion drawing
- Make an article of clothing for someone else
- Make something for Avery
- Make something for Abbi
- Make something for Amber
- Make something for Matthew
- Make something for Mom
- Make something for Dad
- Make something for Janelle
- Make something for Gary
- Finish a cross-stitch
- Make a hair piece
- Finish the argyle scarf
- Learn to knit lace
- Learn to tat
- Go on a real vacation
- Visit ohio
- Visit Tennessee
- Visit hospital cay
- Attend dragon con
- Visit a Caribbean island
- Read something by Joseph Campbell
- Read the Annotated Alice in Wonderland
- Read Stephen Hawking’s Universe in a Nutshell
- Read a book on palm reading
- Read a book on tarot
- Re-read the Mercy Thompson series
- Re-read the Dresden Files
- Read something steampunk
- Read about a conspiracy theory (Currently reading 12th planet)
- Get new glasses (appointment made with optometrist)
- Try contacts (appointment made with optometrist)
- Get prescription sunglasses (appointment made with optometrist)
- Lose 20 lbs
- Hike the full length of ridgeline trail
- Start learning Spanish
- Organize the craftroom
- Establish an exercise routine you can maintain
- Study geology
- Clean out closet and be realistic
- Exercise 30 minutes 3x’s a week for a month
- Talk to a doctor about crunchy knees
- Attend an exercise class once a week for a month
- Drink 1 glass of plain water everyday for a month
- Alternate between white and wheat bread
- Reduce chocolaty desert to one serving a day
- Complete a fun run/ walk
- Organize my desk
- Learn to glide
- Learn to pop and lock
- Learn to Charleston
- Go see a movie
- Take an online learning course
- Attempt guided meditation
- Try homemade salsa
- Make homemade pizza
- Make bread from scratch
- Make a pineapple rum cake
- Try 3 recipes from the boozy baker cookbook
Start a blog- Post to the blog at least once a month
- Try 5 new recipes
- Get dressed up
- Get dressed up for no discernible reason
- Go on 4 guided kayak trips
- Cajole Brandon into getting his captain’s license
- Rent a Boat
- Go bird watching at sunrise
- Get a half scale dress form
- Get a walking foot for my sewing machine
- Buy a stand mixer
- Buy a serger
- Save three months of income
- Pay off a debt completely
- Create a trip to japan nest egg
Create a budget- Stick to the budget for at least 3 months
- Make a list of job hunting cities
- Update my resume
- Apply for 20 jobs before leaving cuba
- Attend a credit management class
- Attend training course for work
- Make a profit off of a hobby
- Get a step increase if not a pay grade increase
So this is where you can come to listen to me pat myself on the back, celebrate my crafter victories, and mourn my crafter defeats, and laugh at me everytime some of the wildlife makes me scream like a little girl.
Enjoy.
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