Stripey Shirt Dress

Behold my stripey shirt dress!

I made this little number using McCall's 6696 which is one of the patterns that come with multiple cup sizes (which is wonderful if you are anything over a B cup) and I am pretty happy with it. I've had this fabric laying around in my stash for almost a decade and it worked really well with this pattern. I made a few alterations to the pattern including adding a small cut on gusset on the sleeves, adding a half inch FBA, pinching out a half inch of length from the back, and swapping out the pleated skirt with 2 full fabric widths gathered to the waistband.

For the first time I used french seams, even on the sleeves!

 Aren't they so pretty!?

The entire inside is finished! I'm making so much progress! Even the sleeves came out good.

I wore it all day Monday at work and didn't have any catastrophic wardrobe malfunctions so that was nice. Unfortunately the only proof I have is a rather sad selfie.

I am quite possibly the least photogenic person on earth. I also learned not to underestimate how short waisted, sway backed, and fat I am. If I ever make the pattern again I need to reduce the fabric in the back and raise the arm holes, but overall I am super proud!

On a side note, I've noticed a lot of other sewers seem to be crazy cat ladies as well, and they're always all "Oh Mr. Fluffins is helping." Am I the only one whose animals are diabolical assholes?

"Oh was this the next pattern piece you needed? It sure is comfortable." Also he figured out how to pull pins out of the pattern pieces as soon as I turned my back. I'm still finding pins in the dining room floor.

"Sooooo comfortable."

At this point I said fuck it and accepted it wasn't happening. B kept laughing at me because he could hear me cussing at Oni across the house. He kept asking why I didn't just push him off. Probably because every time I reached for him he flipped over on his back and greeted me with teeth and claws!

At least Zelda is less involved when she helps.

Nevermind.

Historical Sew Monthly '15 June

The Challenge: Out of Your Comfort Zone

So this was out of my comfort zone for a number of reasons. While it is not my first corset, it was the first time I created a one layer corset, its the first time I used a waist tape, first time using straight steel, and it's the first major project I've undertaken since my craniotomy.  Also, steroids make you eat like a fat kid so prancing around in a corset does make me a little self conscious. My stunt double in the photos is actually a bit smaller than me now.  Not to mention I've been nervous about trying to sew again since the surgery. I actually retook a beginner sewing class to help me get over my worries. But guys, this is some of the best sewing i have ever done. I mean look at those stitching lines!

 I've never been able to sew in a straight line before! (Also please ignore the animal fur. My house is like a petting zoo full of absolute jerks. No matter where I stash my stuff one of the animals can and will sleep on it.) And while there are some slight fitting issues, this might be the best thing I have ever sewn!

Fabric: Black Cotton Coutil

Pattern: Truly Victorian 110 1880 Late Victorian Corset

Year: 1880

Notions: sz 00 silver grommets, boning tape, black bias tape, black twill tape, black lacing cord, white lace, white grosgrain ribbon, straight steel boning, spiral steel boning.

How historically accurate is it? Probably not very. I had visions of being all gung ho and hand sewing. Yeah apparently I still have what my physical therapist called "the grip of a 70 year old woman". Apparently they have charts.  Oddly enough I was strong enough to cut my own boning, all though I am pretty sure the cats are emotionally scarred. So needless to say everything was machine stitched except for finishing the bias tape and attaching the lace. I ended up using pliers to do the hand sewing.

Hours to complete: ...i'm not real good at the concept of time. A few hours a night for a week. I wasted a lot of time when i ran out of boning and had to order more.

First worn: prancing around my house last night.

Total cost: $20-ish because I already had most of the stuff in my stash.

And one last photo of me actually in my finery.

New Beginnings!

The desire to restart my short lived blog can be summed up with one word. Craniotomy.  As diverse as my interests are and what I hope to include in this space, my reasoning and motivations inevitably come back to my brain surgery and the little hole where Cecile the Pineocytoma once was. (Yes I named my tumor.) Even a benign brain tumor has a way of reordering your priorities. Now that I am 4 months post op I am overcome with a desire to get out there and have adventures. I still lack the stamina to do very much but it gives me something to look forward to.

But the tumor and subsequent surgery has affected me in other ways. The surgery affected an almost immediate improvement in my pain levels, but I seem to have traded the pain for a horrible memory. Granted I am only 4 months out and even if it never improves, it is still a trade I would make again. I try not to let it bother me, but sometimes it is distressing that you have to use context clues to figure out what you did with your morning. Or you realize you can't remember how to get to a particular part of town that you are familiar with. I see people I worked with for years and have no idea what their name is.

I've always considered myself a storyteller. Being able to keep up a constant stream of inane yet humorous chatter was a skill I honed to keep the peace in a mildly dysfunctional family that so often had no idea what to do with each other. While so many people lie awake at night letting their regrets and embarrassments circle their minds like vultures, I stay up trying to turn my regrets into a self-effacing comedy routine I will never perform, because people are fucking terrifying. The loss of memory makes me fear for my stories. They are no treasure trove but they are mine. So I want to tell them in a more permanent format and invite friends and family members to do the same. What's more, I want to get out there and have more adventures and create new stories and record them.

Today I feel better than I have in years. Reviving this blog embodies the hope that things will continue to be this awesome and will hopefully quell the quiet fear that this is too good too last. But even if it is 2 months or 2 years, if something goes wrong, I want to have as many adventures as I can fit to go back and look at, even if I can't remember them all myself.

Back from the Dead

Just In Time For The Hordes Of Exoskeletoned Creatures To Do Me In.

So it's been awhile. I'll admit it was entirely my own fault. I went through a bad time and for awhile I didn't have anything I felt like saying beyond, "Ow, my knee hurts," and, "The navy can go to hell," repeat ad nauseum.

But in the course of the last few weeks I finally felt like I had an amusing story to tell and thought I'd pop in and share it with you to break the ice of my long abandonment.

So on to the invasion of the exoskeletons.

So one night a few weeks ago I was coming home after dark. I grab the handle of the screen door, pull it back, and then my eyes focus in on what is chilling out on the vertical right next to the door. And proceeded to scream like a little girl.

Yep, that's right. Crab's can hang out on sheer vertical surfaces. After I started breathing again I ran and got my camera for posterity's sake.

So shortly thereafter Brandon, my new friend Cari, and I all headed over to a friend's house for a party. It was in the next neighborhood over so we just walked, which excused us from having to drive later. We get to their house and they had a note on the door saying just come on in. So i grab the screen door pull it open... and then my eyes focus on the wall next to the door. Now you need to understand. The crab was on the same plane as the door, so it wasn't that close to me. This wall ran perpendicular to the door so it was right next to me... it being an enormous, furry tarantula. I don't have any pics of this denizen of my nightmares but I know Cari took some phone shots of it, so I'll try and get one of those to add later.

So, once again, I screamed like a little girl. I screamed so loud in fact that the entire party came outside to see what happened to me. I think they were expecting blood at the very least. The only way I could get inside was at a dead run. I hate spiders. Ugh.

So fast forward to the next weekend. We occasionally let the cat's outside. If we don't freak out they stay in the yard and it makes it bearable to live with them. If we don't let them outside, they are still going to get outside but not on our terms so it's best to just try and control the situation. 

We just left the door open so they could come back in when they were ready and to let the house air out a little. I'm a big fan of fresh air. So after awhile I notice the cats are both back inside so I shut the door and moved on with my day.

About 45 minutes later guess who's screaming like a little girl... again. Yeah this girl. I turned around and spot a chewed up tailless lizard sitting in the middle of the living room floor. Either my cats love me or they think I need lessons in hunting. Brandon removed the offending corpse and I moved on with my day. When you have cats you occasionally receive gifts of dead things. 

So maybe another 45 minutes later I see Yuki poking at my knitting bag. I thought she was just playing with my yarn because she is a destructive little tart. I shooed her away and moved on... for about 10 minutes until it occurred to me that the corpse had been tailless and the likelihood of the tail being in my knitting bag occurred to me.

I poked around carefully, braced for the possibility of gross but found nothing. So maybe 2 hrs later, I'm sitting on the couch with a lap full of sewing. And what should crawl out from under the couch, within 2 inches of my flip flop clad foot? 

A lizard? No.

A crab? No.

A tarantula? No.

A Fucking Scorpion! Crawled within 2 inches of my bare foot! I didn't scream like a little girl this time.

I gave a war bellow that would have done Conan the Barbarian proud. Brandon actually yelled at me for shouting so loud. Screw him, I'll bellow like that again the next time a scorpion buzzes me.  I feel kind of justified. 

Since Brandon was involved in his MMO and didn't have the proper deadly reaction I was hoping for, I hoped up and pummeled it to death with my flip flop. Of course Brandon still had to dispose of it since all I could think of when I looked at it was the face huggers from the aliens movies.

Then the next day I found another tiny little chewed up lizard under my desk. Yay! Luckily he'd been there for a little while and appeared mummified which is much less creepy than freshly dead.

Then the next day was Monday. On our way out of the chapel complex I encountered something so unnatural and surreal I would have assumed I was hallucinating if it weren't for other witnesses... and of course my photographic evidence!

Now for perspective this creepy little worm/ caterpillar type creature was thicker around than my thumb and longer than my hand. It reminds me of nothing so much as the sand worms from Beetlejuice. I don't know what this thing is, all I know is it's going to haunt me in my dreams. It wiggled at me...

Pretty!

Escape From Iguana Island

Wherein I get lost. Repeatedly.

So I made it to Jacksonville. As soon as I got on the ferry to go to the air terminal I realized I had forgotten to grab my (or Edwin's depending on how you look at it) jacket. The flight wasn't too bad, and a lot of people I work with were on the same flight so I wasn't completely on my own while finding my luggage and getting my rental car.  Jacksonville is kind of overwhelming after being on GTMO so long. 45 mph feels really fast! Especially when the speed limit is 50. Let's just way I wasn't making friends.

One of my co-workers asked me to give him a ride to pick up his car and since it was in the same direction as the used book store I had heard so much of I decided to go ahead and visit the book store before checking into my hotel since it closes at 6 and doesn't open on Sundays.

The place wasn't hard to find. I wish i had had a camera. After not seeing a bookstore in 6 months this was like showing up at the holy land. I almost cried and I did actually get lost. When they describe this place as labyrinthine they are being dead set honest. Seriously, you could hide a minotaur in that place and the only way you would notice if is customers started to go missing. It was only the thought that i need something other than books and hardbacks way too much that kept me limited to $40.

So then i roll back up to the gate to the base and hand over my cac card and rental agreement. He scans it, smiles, starts to hand it back, then frowns and looks at it harder and goes," Who is Aimee Millspaugh?" I responded with a very clarifying, "Huh?" I finally managed to get out that it was my maiden name and I'm not sure where enterprise got it from. I mean i reserved my car through dts, i paid with my government travel card, i gave them my driver's license with my married name, and they even greeted me as Ms. Morrison when I walked up to the desk. So why the fuck does my car rental agreement that I use to get on the base not match my id?!?!? So he let me in, but he told me to get it checked out...

Unfortunately the place closes at 5 and this event occurred at 6, they don't open on Sunday, and i fly out on Monday morning... so there's no getting that fixed... So now I'm afraid to leave the base in case they won't let me back on... so maybe I'll just hit the nex tomorrow and do my heavy shopping in Huntsville. Either way I need a hoodie or sweater of some kind. Its frickin cold. But god I would love to wander around that super target a block from base... the thing is the size of a mall! I feel old.

So i got lost in the bookstore, i got lost on base (twice) and now I'm not leaving my fucking room again tonight.

Traveling alone sucks.

An Open Letter to Anyone Visiting Cuba (and/ or Me!)

Forewarning: There's going to be a lot of "seriously"'s in this post and maybe even a few "for reals". Normally I try to give a good vocabulary mix while I'm repeating myself, but I need you to know, All of those
"seriously"-ies are "for reals". Despite my comedic tone, these are real. Which is part of what makes this place comedic, and part of what makes this place horrifying. Continue at your own risk.


Another note I'd like to make is that, as many of you know, I'm high strung. While I'm currently taking drugs to help with that, they only make me not worry about things. It doesn't keep me from thinking of them. Kind of like being drunk all the time but with better motor skills... mostly. Just something to think about when you read the list.

Things to bring:

Bring water shoes. Seriously. If you forget said water shoes your first stop
needs to be at the NEX to buy some water shoes. Most of the beaches here are
rocky. And if they aren't rocky they are buried in broken shells. And if
they aren't buried in broken shells they have sea urchins you could use to
incapacitate a vampire. You're really going to want those water shoes.

Bring skin so soft. In fact bring extra so I can have some. You can purchase
stuff to combat the mosquitoes on island. You cannot however buy anything to
ward off the gnats. If you go to hicacael the gnats will eat you. Seriously.
Brandon and I looked like we had chicken pox.

Speaking of buying stuff to ward off the mosquitoes, do so. For reals. I'm
pretty sure this is the place that all the mutant monsters from Godzilla
movies come to retire. The mosquitoes here are huge! And they have time
release! You forget to wear bug repellant tonight and you will suffer
starting tomorrow night (and for the next 3 nights thereafter). I'm talking
take a cheese grater to your leg itchy. Also you might want to resist that
urge to smack the blood sucker about to dine on you. There's something
infinitely disturbing about having a blood smear on you that you don't know
who or what it came from.

Bring me a tithe in Orville Redenbacher Naturals Lime and Salt popcorn. They
come in single serving bags and are delicious forms of crack. Seriously if a
box of this doesn't come out of your suitcase I'm leaving you stranded on
leeward. (not really but possibly) ( i will also accept tithes in bottled water drink mixes such as crystal light in pink lemonade or cherry cranberry or any Hawaiian punch mixes)


Wildlife and nature related warnings:

We have sharks of all shapes and sizes. One of those shapes and sizes are
occasionally 14 ft hammerheads, etc. Now before you get freaked out our
sharks only attack stupid people. The only shark attack we have on record is
someone who had their chum bag resting on their leg. So use common sense. If
you are bleeding get out of the water. Or at least have the common decency
to swim slower than me.

Apparently barracuda are attracted to shiny things. Please plan your bathing
attire accordingly. Swimming with dolphins is awesome. Swimming with
barracuda is significantly less so.

If you find a pretty shell that appears to be empty, set it right side up
somewhere and see if it moves. If it doesn't take it home. If it crawls away
be thankful you've been saved from one of the more horrifying experiences of
my life. Learn from my mistake. Not a week later when you go to fish out
your prize and find the corpse of the elder god Cthuhlu reaching, arms out
stretched, to feast upon your very sanity! Also hermit craps smell
horrifying after they die... and apparently get kind of furry. I'm just
saying.

If you want to go sea glass hunting go during an off hour. Work days in the
morning are good cause there's no one else there. When you get more than one
or two hunters on the beach things start to get tense. Navy wives get
seriously territorial. They might cut you for a nice chunk of true blue.
Shit I might cut you for a nice chunk of amethyst.

If an iguana bobs his head at you, he's not saying "Sup?". He's saying you
are invading his personal bubble and he thinks he just might be able to take
you. Also don't feed them. They will chase you and as ungainly as they are
they can really move when they think they might get some subway out of it.

I've never seen one but there are "salt water alligators" mentioned in some
of the base instructions. I'm not sure if this is a joke in poor taste or
not. Either way I'm kind of terrified.

When we go hiking, stay on the trails. This will be obvious while we hike
next to barbed wire but the rule still stands even in the absence of the
barbed wire. Just remember, the bushes are watching and they have guns.

Also if you see a sign that says no photography beyond that point, they
really mean it. Don't pull that camera out unless you want to buy a new one,
cause they will take it.

Brandon has almost sat on a Cuban boa. Twice I think. Keep your eyes open
when in nature. Especially when on trails named racer run (racers are
snakes), lizard lane, boa breezeway (another snake), warbler way (bird),
pelican pass (another bird), hutia highway (banana rats!), and tarantula
trail (haven't even tried this one yet).

I would not recommend leaving shoes or jackets outside overnight but if you
absolutely must check your pockets and shoes before putting them back on.
Apparently scorpions find those places nice and cozy.

Don't drink the fountain drinks. I don't know what's wrong with them but
they taste like lemon pepper and sewage. Blegh!

And most importantly, remember you are on an active military installation
and security is an on-going concern. Don't assume you have all those rights
you are so used to, and keep in mind that there is always someone watching
you.

If I think of any other wisdom I'll send it your way.

Hugs and Kisses!

Eye Ball Update and Other Goals

So when I left you last week you were left wondering if I would ever get those thrice damned contacts into my eyes. Well I did! And I was ever so proud of myself. So proud of myself in fact, that the same day i got them in successfully I ran to the nex and got myself some off the shelf sunglasses! This is the first time I've been able to buy sunglasses off the shelf since I was 11! Its the first time I've worn sunglasses period in at least 5 or more years. They are huge and brandon makes fun of me, but i figure if i can use pretzels as mandibles while i'm bored at work then having sunglasses that make me look like a bug are the least of my worries and I think they are cute.

Also I kidnapped the Bull Ensign hat before our office party (my job has the awesomest parties). I want one. It makes me feel like a viking! Or a bobble head. Not sure which. That thing is heavy. 

Back to the eye balls though. So not only are these the first sunglasses in a long time, its also the first time I have seen my face without glasses. Why didn't anyone tell me I have beady eyes!? I haven't seen my eyes not magnified by glasses since I was 11! I see a lot more makeup in my futures. Also apparently I'm going to need reading glasses when I wear contacts. Which, correct me if I am wrong, completely defeats the purpose of wearing contacts. WTH? 

Regarding goal #12 I am totally in my 2nd week of my first batch of quartz-y rocks that i mentioned in the Cuba:Cliff Notes blog!

This is them straight out of the coarse grit round. They are starting to get shiny and they kind of glow.

Goal #39 is now in progress. I'm reading Joseph Campbell's Masks of God Vol 1: Primitive Mythology. So far its very... Freudian. I haven't gotten very far yet. This is pretty heavy stuff and so far it has dealt more with psychology and biology than it has with mythology. Judging by the table of contents though I will get to the mythology eventually. I am not however a big fan of Freud. I know he was pretty cutting edge stuff in his day but I have strong feelings that all of my motivations stem from penis envy. And I have to admit that I rolled my eyes when the book discussed the universal fear of toothed vaginas.  Seriously? 

Goals #51, 54 and 58 are in progress thanks to my starting a personal training program this past monday and i have worked out 5 times in the last week (talk about killing two birds with one stone!). I'm not sure how fast I'll get results because I refuse to give up food. She told me I could eat as many fruits and veggies as I want so there has been a lot of tomatoes, strawberries, and grapes (and lots of truvia which is amazing). But I'm not punishing myself. Food is the only thing they have on this island and I will not deny myself one of the only joys left to me. Come between me and cake... see what happens. Exercise is the price we pay for delicious.

Goal #54 is in progress. We installed peg boards and cork boards and completely rearranged my craft room yesterday. I'm very nearly organized which is very exciting. I'll post pics once its nice and tidy.

Well that's all for now. I'm going to get back to organizing my rock collection by mohs scale. I totally just gained a rank in nerdy.

Here have a pretty cactus!